And by “get over” a break up, I mean navigate your feelings in a healthy way, learn how to find joy again, and also not make it harder on yourself than it already is. Take as long as you need and don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Break ups suck. Like a death , everything in your world seems to change and it’s all happening while you feel so fragile. Even break ups that you know are for the best, can be unbearably difficult. So without further ado, here are some actually helpful tips to get over a break up!
Limit alcohol
And other vices. I know wine and chocolate are supposed to be the cure but they’re not. I’m no stranger to a little emotional eating but be aware of it and do your best to keep it in check. If you want to drink, I suggest giving it some time post break up and doing it with friends. Don’t decide you’re going to drink wine in bed by yourself. I can assure you that is a recipe for disaster.
It may provide temporary numbness or relief, but as soon as you’re done you are going to feel worse, physically and mentally. You need to be doing everything you can to keep from making your heart hurt more.
Don’t go down the rabbit hole
You’re allowed to be sad or angry or betrayed. Your feelings are valid. But do not let yourself go down the rabbit hole of emotions. What I mean by this is, you can say how awful it is, how sad you are, and that you can’t believe it happened. But stop yourself when you get to that point of “I’ll never be able to trust again,” “I’m so dumb for not seeing the signs,” , or “I’ll never find someone now” etc.
Save your heart the drama. These feelings are arising because you are not your best self right now. You may even been desperately searching for answers to why it ended or how he could do that (insert your “that” here) to you.
Allow yourself to be sad
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. But after a little while, you cannot let them take over your life. Set aside time to be sad. Pencil in a good cry after work if you need to but you have to learn to be happy and find joy again.
The first step in doing so, is getting accustomed to your new normal which means doing your best not to cry in your cubicle or break down in the bathroom. After work, come home and let yourself get that cry out if you still need to. But in my experience, it’s more often a wave of sadness in the moment, rather than something that deserved a full on crying snot session in the middle of your work day.
Lean on your people
Whether it’s your group of girlfriends or your family, lean on them. Just about every one of them knows exactly how bad you’re hurting. Don’t worry about bothering them. If they’re truly your friends, you won’t be. Cry, tell them your worst fears and let them talk you down, let them take care of you and distract you. It’s just the reminder you need that there is still so much good in the world and so much to be grateful for.
Decide which friends provide what in your post break up healing
Consider your friends and family. What friend do you need go to when you want them to say, “Your ex is a piece of garbage, we should kill him for what he did”? Which friend is going to give you real, honest advice when you’re ready for it? What friend provides that soft sympathy your heart will need? Decide which friend provides what to your healing process and go to them when you need their specialty.
Delete your ex
Delete them from all social media platforms and maybe even your contacts too. I don’t care how amicably you broke up or if you agreed to stay friends (I think that’s mostly crap but whatever), delete them. You are human. I don’t care what you want to believe about yourself, you’re going to snoop, or weep at their IG story, or stay up to date on their life when all you actually need to do is cut the ties and move on.
Imagine you’re a few weeks or months post break up and you are really starting to feel like yourself again. You’re scrolling Instagram and you see them wearing the shirt you bought in a picture with another girl. Yeah, you’re going to be bummed. Or at the very least caught off guard. Don’t derail your progress with something you can control.
Don’t trash them publicly
You get a few empowered lady quotes or “moving on” posts if you want, but otherwise don’t go online and air your dirty laundry. It doesn’t do any good and it may even been embarrassing later on. It never benefits you to get more people involved and that’s exactly what those posts will do.
People who care about you may reach out because they suspect something is up. From there, it is your choice to share or not.
Don’t get under someone else
Eeeek! I know this is a touchy subject but bear with me. I don’t know who first suggested this tip but it’s awful. All you are doing is attempting to bury your feelings with new feelings and/or attempting to distract yourself from the inevitable.
Best case scenario? You have a one night stand, but are still very much hurting over the break up and ultimately feel unlovable. And worst case scenario? It’s a repeat situation and you’re temporarily distracted until such time that you inevitably have to deal with your feelings and now they’re more confusing than ever because they’re tangled up with someone else. They’re both bad options y’all.
And because I am nothing short of honest, if you must, go kiss some boys at the bar. Have some fun, remember you’re desired and then leave them at the bar!
Focus on you
Do some growing. Pick a hobby or something to focus on that has nothing to do with anyone else. Start working out, reading books, or even start a new tv show. Just pick a distraction that makes you happy and/or makes you better.
Pick a restaurant or watch a movie that you really love. If you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, chances are it’s been a long time since you chose something just for you. I remember the first moment of happiness and freedom I felt post break up was when I decided to pick up food on my way home from class and I could pick anything I wanted and I didn’t have to compromise the place or ask if someone else wanted anything while I was there. Those are the little wins, so focus on them and the happiness they bring!
Talk to someone
If the relationship and/or break up was traumatic (or maybe even if it wasn’t), consider talking to a professional. PTSD from relationships is real and it is not an indictment on you as a person if you’re shaken up from what you’ve been through. It doesn’t have to be physical or even emotional abuse to be traumatizing. Make it easier on yourself to move on in the future by addressing those feelings right now.
If you find yourself reading this in the midst of a hard break up, I’m sorry. I am sorry you’re struggling. It will get better, I promise. I believe I went through my hard relationship and break up because it has made me so much more grateful for the truly good one I am in now. It may take awhile before you realize what you have to gain from this crappy time in life. In the meantime, find gratitude and happiness in the small things right now, like a really good breakfast or one whole hour without crying. And if you need me, you can always message me on Instagram (@TheRelatableRed).
If you enjoyed this blog or found it helpful, would you mind sharing it on social for your friends to read too? Thanks friend. I appreciate you!
