Having Babies & All My Feels About It

With our impending nuptials, you can imagine the recent influx of questions regarding when Matt and I want to have kids. I know there’s a lot of talk surrounding this topic lately. Specifically about not asking couples when or if they’re having kids and I completely understand why. It really isn’t anyones business and it can certainly add undue pressure. That being said, at this point in my life, (subject to change) I don’t mind the “having babies” questions. More than anything though, it has brought on a ton of uncertainty regarding our decision on when to start trying for tiny humans of our own.

I feel complete inner turmoil about it. That sounds more negative than I mean for it to so stay with me. I wanted to write this blog post because I know I cannot be the only one that has felt this way. I’ve been hesitant to write it because this is one of those topics that can be sensitive to some and one everyone has an opinion on. But I am hoping by writing out all of my feels surrounding having babies, I’ll begin to feel a little clearer in my own thoughts as well as maybe make someone else feel better about their uncertainty too.

In no particular order, I am sharing all of my fears, concerns, and things that I am considering regarding having babies. These do not necessarily reflect Matt’s opinions or concerns!

1. Financial concerns

We don’t make enough. Like, okay I’m sure we do or we could manage. There’s people all over the world that make it work. But I do not want to struggle financially. This alone causes inner turmoil because to some extent, this is out of our control.

If this is a main concern for you, I completely understand why you wouldn’t want people to bombard you with the “when are you having kids?” questions. I get it. It’s a hard pill to swallow that you really want something and yet you know it’s not the best idea financially.

2. Pressure to stay in a job you don’t enjoy

Hand in hand with #1, Matt doesn’t love his job right now. It pays the bills but it’s an extremely long commute and it’s not quite his dream job. I don’t want to decide to start having babies until we get some more direction on his future career. I never want him to be forced to stay in a job just to pay the bills and put his dreams and goals on hold.

3. The Relatable Red & my dreams

I know that moms can crush their goals and achieve their dreams. Believe me, I know this wholeheartedly. But it’s certainly harder with a baby. I’m terrified about putting my dreams for this blog/brand on the back burner. I’m afraid I won’t “pick it back up.” It’s silly because I’ve never loved a dream more than blogging…. except the dream of being a mom.

4. We are so busy

I know people are breaking up with the word busy and I get it, you’re only as busy as you allow yourself to be. But wow we let ourselves be really busy. Right now, I cannot imagine adding one single more thing to my to do list. I suppose at some point you decide you’re going to try for a baby and then you prioritize things better? SOS asking for my future self. I have a hard time not “doing it all.”

5. Am I too young?

There’s no rush. I am 24 years old, the youngest of my group of girlfriends even. Besides my best friend, Kalyn, none of my friends have kids so there’s no real pressure. I will never get this (alone) time with my friends and Matt back. But there’s also this constant tug at my heart for babies. Is this normal?

6. Am I too selfish?

I don’t want to call myself selfish but, you read quotes and memes talking about how no one asks how you’re doing anymore, just the baby. I know myself, I think that would get to me. Am I ready for everything to get so much more complicated? Planning trips and even just workouts become much more difficult. There’s no doubt that I want kids, but is there ever a time where you feel really confident about making your life more complicated?

7. Physical body

I am terrified of “losing” my body and as vain as it may sound, I know I am not alone in this and yet no one talks about it. I get it, it makes me sound selfish and I will HAPPILY welcome the physical changes if it means I can get pregnant on my own. The fact is, I am in the best shape of my life right now and I know it will be a scary adjustment watching my body change so drastically.

8. Strain on our relationship

I know a baby doesn’t mean you will have strain on your relationship. It’s not a guarantee. But if you add something hard to your life, it’s reasonable to assume tensions may run high every now and then. I really want to ensure Matt and I are at our best when we decide to start trying for babies. I want us to have made strides in our communication skills and patience with one another. He’s my best friend and an amazing human being but we both still have room for personal and relationship growth.

9. Prioritizing other life plans

Should we buy a house first? Should we pay off more debt? Does it really matter? The market isn’t great for buying right now and we have a ton of “must haves” therefore, it’s not high on our priority list. Does anyone wish they had done these things before they started having kids?

Now on the flip side:

I am terrified it will take us a while to get pregnant (or I wont’t be able to at all but I am not letting myself go there.) There’s no reasoning behind that fear except that it just happens to people. I don’t want to wish we had started trying sooner. Contrary to all those scary things I listed above, I don’t want to wait too long because I am excited to experience that season of life with Matt. I love the idea of being younger parents as well as our parents being young grandparents.

We are so blessed. I work from home and we live near both of our families. We will have so much help when the time comes that sometimes it feels like, why wait? We’ve known each other for 10 years. It’s not like we need more time to get to know each other.

In a perfect world…

We would make ourselves a honeymoon baby… just kidding….kinda. Maybe this is where I differ, or what I feel isn’t talked about. I want babies so dang bad. I cannot wait to see a tiny little human made up of half my (almost!) husband. The idea of seeing our parents and siblings and friends love on our child makes my heart beam with excitement. Every time I see a cute baby on my Instagram, I melt. I love to see the pride on new parents faces. But honestly, it would be such an impulsive decision for us to start trying on our honeymoon, or even soon after. I don’t feel like people talk about how bad they want to have kids and yet choose to postpone it because they have other responsibilities that need to come first.

Upon writing this, I’ve come to realize people would never start having babies if they made a pros and cons list like this. It’s just like when we were deciding to adopt a puppy. They’re tiny, expensive, time consuming, moochers and yet they’re so amazing you never regret the decision.

I know there will never be a perfect time. We will never be totally ready. As anticipated, I am no clearer on a timeline. However, I am confident in leaving it in God’s hands. I hope if you feel like me, you know you’re not alone. And I hope we can learn to live and let live, together.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading about all my feels. I look forward to reflecting on this post in the future and laughing about how it all happened the way it was supposed to anyway.

UPDATED February 2021: Almost a year later exactly, we are expecting! Things really did work out just the way they were supposed to. Baby Bennett is due August 2021. Follow along on my Instagram, @TheRelatableRed

-The Relatable Red