How To Know That He’s The One

I know what you’re thinking… “she’s not even married yet”. It’s true, the wedding is still 7 months away and I don’t know what the future will bring for my future marriage to Matt. But what I do know is all the reasons I knew I could confidently say yes. How to know he’s the one will vary based on your values and lifestyle. But these were some of the ways that I knew Matt was the one for me!

I don’t believe in soulmates…

I know… what a strange way to start this romantic blog post but it feels worth mentioning. Matt doesn’t believe in soulmates either. We both think God put us in each other’s lives at just the right time. We know that we make great best friends. And we both think that if something happened to the other one, we could love again. The love would be different, but still possible.

Now to the good stuff…

How to know he’s the one:

You’re excited for the marriage

When I dreamt of the day Matt would propose, I was giddy with anticipation for the “official” beginning of our lives together –and wearing the ring of course (I’m still human!) I was the girl that dreamt about her wedding day for her whole life. But when Matt and I became serious, I was far more excited for the idea of getting to be in love with my best friend forever. You must be genuinely excited for the marriage, not just the wedding day.

He’s a good person

Obvious, right? Hear me out. Take away the love, infatuation, comfort of the norm, etc. Is the person you’re marrying, a genuinely good person? Are they kind to other people? Would you be honestly be friends with them if dating wasn’t an option? Are you proud to know them?

I am lucky that Matt and I were friends for a long time before we started dating. Even just as friends, I always described him as “one of the best people I know.” You don’t have to agree with everything the person thinks or believes, but you do have to wholeheartedly believe they are a truly good person.

He’s got your back

I mean this is in the obvious sense, meaning you know you can count on him. You know he’s going to do what he says he will do. He will show up at 70% when you can only bring 30% that day. But I also mean, when you think about the future, you know that no matter what life throws at you, you’ll be okay because you have him.

I am a worrier by nature. I like to plan and anticipate because it makes me feel “prepared” for the unknown. I’m worried about all the scary things like not being able to have kids some day, losing my parents, the future of my career etc. But I also have a certain level of peace knowing Matt will be by my side. It’s a reassurance I have never had before.

He’s what I always wanted

Okay this one may be a little controversial and/or specific to me but hang with me. If I were to make a list of all the traits and qualities my dream guy had, it was Matt. He’s lighthearted, witty, values a close relationship with family, responsible, smart, ect.

I say “controversial” because maybe you ended up marrying someone completely different than you ever dreamt up and you’re happy as can be. But for me, Matt matched the “important values” list I had in my head. Therefore, I didn’t fall for someone who didn’t actually have the qualities I valued because my judgement was clouded by the honeymoon/infatuation stage.

Now, don’t make your yes or no answer based solely off your “list.” We are all humans and we don’t always fit on a list. However, I think it’s important to be real with yourself in the beginning of a relationship. If they don’t possess any of the qualities you thought you wanted, ask yourself if you’re trying to mold them to be what you want. And ask if you’re settling on things that are truly important to you.

Respect

They show you respect in the good AND the bad. When you argue, you should not be dishing out low blows and spiteful comments. You both should be doing your best to keep in mind, “we are on the same side.” Matt and I argue just like the rest of the world. I won’t pretend like we have never made spiteful comments to each other. But as a rule, if an argument gets to that place, you’re no longer being productive. Matt and I (Matt is much better than me) will step away and calm down. If we have dished a low blow, it’s usually caught and apologized for immediately. When you get in an argument with your significant other, it should not feel like the world is crumbling around you.

The little things

They don’t stop doing the little things after the honeymoon phase. Whatever those little things are for you that make you feel appreciated and loved. Matt leaves me little notes on our white board. He flirts with me and does house chores without being asked. He recognizes when I’ve taken on a lot of those chores and thanks me for it. The little things usually end up being the big things!

I know it’s cliché, but for the the most part, I think “when you know, you know.” If you’re questioning your instinct about it, then maybe he’s not the one. These are some of the defining reasons I felt confident saying yes! I hope they resonate with you. Or maybe you just got to know more about Matt and I. That’s fine too 🙂

If you’re married or engaged, I would LOVE to hear what were some of the defining moments or reasons you knew your person was “the one.” Leave me a comment below!

-The Relatable Red