What To Do When You Haven’t Found Your Passion

We all want to find that thing that lights us up and sets our heart on fire. And of course major bonus points if that thing happens to pay the bills. Some of us know exactly what our passion is from a young age. While the rest of us sit impatiently waiting, hoping to figure it out. As someone who fell into the latter group, I was always so envious of the people that knew exactly what they wanted to do with their life. Passions bring fulfillment and happiness. And when you haven’t found your passion yet, it’s daunting to just “leave it up to chance” and hope you figure it out.

Before I found my passion, I sought counsel from people like my parents, those I deemed successful, and the internet of course. The resounding response was “what do you enjoy doing?” or “you’ll figure it out.” I hated it. Listen, if I could make money or find true fulfillment from drinking wine and watching Grey’s Anatomy, I’d be doing it already.

Here’s the thing, I did figure it out eventually. But I didn’t sit around and wait for it to find me. In hindsight, I can see some very clear things I did that helped me. Although, I didn’t do them intentionally out of pursuit of a passion; I did them out of frustration from not feeling fulfilled.

My passion is helping women with life and relationships.

Specifically women between the ages of 23-33. Blogging just happens to be the medium with which I am able to do so. I love to make women feel understood while also giving realistic and tangible advice to help solve their problem and ultimately better themselves. You can read more about why I started a blog here.

The following tips will not automatically make your calling fall into your lap. But I do believe by doing these things, you’ll become the person you need to be to receive your passion when it presents itself. We all have the life we were meant to have and on the exact timeline it’s meant to happen. But, if I had known that these things could lead me to blogging sooner, I would have done them right away.

So you haven’t found your passion, now what? Here are 4 things to do instead of stressing:

1. Start setting some goals

Become the best version of yourself that you can, while you wait to find your passion. Start setting goals that mean something to you. You don’t have to change the world, just small goals and tweaks to your habits that would make you a better, happier person.

Don’t choose arbitrary things that you think you should do based on other people’s goals. Imagine the best version of yourself. Does she exercise regularly because she values her health and confidence? Does she volunteer at an animal shelter? Is she graceful and empathetic to others? Dream up the person you’ve always said you wanted to be and derive some goals from there. They don’t even have to be traditionally growth related. If you want to be the type of person that says yes to invites out or climbs rock walls on the weekend, set the fun goal too.

If you want a place to brainstorm these goals and actually start working towards them, check out The Start Today Journal.

My first experience with goal setting:

My last year of college was the best year of my life up until that point. I had great friends. I had finally found myself and was truly happy after having been in a crappy 5 year relationship. And, I had a new boyfriend that made me feel loved. My only goal was to have fun and do well in school. For the majority of that year, I partied a lot and was reasonably irresponsible with money. I never said no to a dinner out, drinks, or a concert. I have no regrets at all, but I certainly wasn’t prioritizing my physical or financial health. Instead of continuously feeling guilty for never working out and frivolously spending money, I decided that after I graduated, I would finally prioritize growth in those areas.

After graduation…

I didn’t find a job right away and the job I eventually found was certainly not my passion. I was terrified of never finding my purpose in life…. at 21 years old. While I am still young now (only 24), “RELAX sister” would be the first thing I would tell myself post graduation

Out of desperation for some kind of fulfillment, I set a couple of small goals. I picked them based on things I had been always talking about but never doing: caring about my health and saving some money. Spoiler, it wasn’t for a whole year that I actually started succeeding at the “caring about my health” thing. You can read about my road to consistency here. But I decided I was going to be someone who saved money from each paycheck.

My intention was just to keep my dog on heart worm and flea medication all year, get her vaccines right when they were due, and have some backup money in case her or the cats needed a vet visit. And I succeeded! Plus, my (now) husband and I saved some extra money to help offset the cost of him tearing his ACL and being out of work for 6 weeks later that year.

How does goal setting help when you haven’t found your passion?

Setting goals and keeping promises to yourself will afford you the confidence in yourself and evidence of your capabilities, to pursue your passion when it presents itself. This is why you set goals. This is why you start showing up as the best version of yourself.

I didn’t find blogging for another 2.5 years. But the next year, I set more goals. Loftier ones this time. I actually became consistent with fitness and saved measurably more money. I set professional goals for the new job I found myself in. And more personal ones the following year, like choosing grace in my relationship. That kind of pursuit of bettering myself made me the person I needed to be to receive a passion should it arise. This kind of growth allowed me to feel fulfilled in other areas of my life until I found my passion.

2. Personal Growth Books

Most of us are not naturally wired to pursue growth, especially in our 20’s . We have gone through life thus far being told what to do and have accepted life and our mindset as it is. We are guided by parents, school, and then bosses on what we need to do and what is expected of us. Even if you attended college, your growth is often tied entirely to this one thing you studied. College doesn’t perpetuate intentional growth in becoming the type of human you want to be. You do tons of growing in college and in your 20’s. However, it’s often a byproduct of so much change, rather than the intentional pursuit of it.

Personal growth books rewire your brain.

They teach you that to achieve true fulfillment, you must actively pursue growth. And that pursuing growth often requires intentional discomfort. Personal growth books (or podcasts/blogs) can help provide you with the tools to adjust your mindset and teach you to ask different questions about yourself and the life you want. You don’t have to “just not be a morning person” forever or “just not be a good public speaker.” Personal growth content will teach you how and why you need to let go of the limiting beliefs that you’ve just accepted as facts about yourself. If you haven’t found your passion, personal growth books may be the most important first step to recognizing your passion.

If you think personal growth is boring or isn’t for you, I encourage you to start with someone relatable and ease in. Yes, there will be personal growth books that are a snooze fest even if the content they provide is groundbreaking. Instead, start with a blog you like to read (*cough cough* The Relatable Red perhaps) or a personal growth author/podcaster you can relate to.

If you have never read any kind of personal growth books, I would start with one or all of these:

1. Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis.
   • This was THE book for me. It was the first step into personal development I took. I didn’t know what I didn’t know until I read “Girl, Wash Your Face.” I didn’t think I’d like it because “why do I need a self help book?” but boy was I wrong.
   • Rachel’s follow up book to “Girl, Wash Your Face” is “Girl, Stop Apologizing.” While I still loved it, I don’t think it is a starter personal growth book. If you have found your passion or even a lofty dream you want to work towards, then read “Girl, Stop Apologizing” but not until you read “Girl, Wash Your Face” first.
2. You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero
   • I read this after both Rachel Hollis books. While I relate a little more to Rachel, I think “You Are A Badass” is another really great tip toe into personal development. Especially if you find yourself stuck in a rut professionally or financially.
   • If you would prefer your personal development to have less religious affiliation, “You Are A Badass” may be better suited for you than something by Rachel Hollis. Jen takes on a more spiritual approach by speaking about a “higher energy” as opposed to God.
3. Get Out Of Your Own Way by Dave Hollis.
   • As I write this, I am about three quarters of the way done with this book. Since I have dabbled in a little personal development already, I feel like I have a good understanding of some of the topics so far. But if this was my first step in to personal development, I think Dave would be making lightbulbs turn on left and right.
   • And even though I have worked through some of these mindset adjustments already, it has been such a refreshing reminder to read. Same as Rachel, Dave has a a very transparent and vulnerable approach to personal development that I really enjoy.

3. Say Yes More

Say yes to new things and say yes more often! I know this may not feel like it’ll help you when you haven’t found your passion yet, but hang with me on this. Start saying yes to things you’ve always talked about doing. If you’ve always wanted to go ax throwing or take a Zumba class, now is the time. Call a friend to go with you, put it on the schedule, and actually go through with it. Do I think you’re going to realize that you were meant to teach Zumba or run an ax throwing business? No, probably not. But I do think saying yes to smaller things that make you happy or that you’ve always wanted to do, often help unrelated ideas manifest.

Picture this:

You get invited out to a dinner by a friend and she tells you there’s going to be some people there from her job. Your instinct is to bail because you don’t know these people. It’s easier than getting dressed and intentionally putting yourself in a potentially less comfortable situation. We’ve all been there. Stop doing this. Start saying yes to the plans. You know your boundaries. If you hate the plans being proposed or you know you don’t click with someone in the group then don’t go. But don’t say no just because it requires a little more effort than sitting on your couch or hanging out with your normal friend group.

You never know who you’ll meet or what you’ll learn. You never know what opportunity could be presented or what passion could fall right in to your lap just because you said yes to a spontaneous dinner with a friend. People everywhere have found their passion in some of the most unprecedented ways. It’s just like when you get a great idea in the shower or right when you’re about to fall asleep. You’re not focusing on it and it finds you. What’s the best that could happen? You have a lightbulb moment and it hits you. And the worst? You didn’t enjoy the evening and you go home and put your sweatpants back on.

4. Keep your ears, mind & heart open

Keep your ears open to repeat observations about yourself. The lightbulb moment happened for me when a friend said “you always give me the exact advice I need, realistic and no nonsense” after I had offered her advice about boy troubles. That’s when another friend chimed in and said, “omg yes! She’s always been this way. She sees things for exactly as they are.” In that moment, it clicked. I had to do something with helping women around my age. I had been hearing similar observations from people for most of my adult life. And beyond the observations from others, it made me realize that I’ve always loved that moment when you can see the advice you give someone just absolutely click.

Keep your mind and heart open

It takes a ton of courage and mindset shifts to go after a dream when it presents itself, especially if you haven’t historically been a big dreamer. This is where the personal development books come in handy. Once the idea arises, it’s really easy to shove it down and write it off as impossible. When blogging came to me as a way for me to pursue this passion, I had all the scary thoughts. I don’t know how to create a website. I am not even a great writer, there’s no way I could start a blog. What if people judge me for thinking I am qualified for this?

But the idea of blogging (and really helping people) kept weighing on me. It kept coming up in my day to day life. What if there was a girl out there that needed to read what I had to say. Rachel Hollis refers to it as “a calling on your heart” and that is truly the perfect way to describe it. When your passion continues presenting itself and you instinctually push it away, I challenge you to keep your heart open and ask yourself, “if I could not fail at this, would I pursue it?” Maybe it’s been there all along but you’ve been too nervous to really even consider it.

If you’re reading this blog, it’s likely because you’re struggling with the idea of not having a purpose in life. If that’s the case, I see you. I’ve been there and I want you to know you’re not alone. I understand how scary it is to feel like you aren’t living up to your potential. For now, do your best to be your very best self. You were put on this earth for a reason. I hope you found my personal insight helpful and if you’d like to dig a little deeper or need advice, my DM’s are always open. Connect with me through email or come hangout with me over on my Instagram, @therelatablered.

-The Relatable Red